An Open Letter to Inconsiderate Dog Owners (WARNING: EXPLICIT LANGUAGE)

Bags of poop, with my note...

From the Desk of Todd R. Weinger

Dear Inconsiderate Dog Owners in My Neighborhood (YES, YOU, FUCKFACE):

I would greatly appreciate it if you cleaned up after your dog. (YOU'RE A WORTHLESS, DISGUSTING PEACE OF SHIT AND I HOPE YOU GET A HORRIBLE FLESH-EATING DISEASE AND DIE.)

While I have no doubt you are a considerate and decent person in most other aspects of your life, please know that not cleaning up after your dog is truly indefensible and wrong, not to mention unsanitary and less than neighborly. (DO YOU REALLY THINK IT'S OKAY TO NOT CLEAN UP YOUR FUCKING DOG SHIT? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? IT'S SHIT, NOT GOLD. HOW IS IT POSSIBLE THAT YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND OR GIVE A SHIT THAT SHIT HAS BEEN LEFT ON THE GRASS WHERE OTHERS CAN AND DO STEP IN IT?! WHAT THE FUCK?!)

In the past few days, I have had the great misfortune of stepping in dog feces not once, but twice. :-( (YES, TWICE! SAME BOOTS, DIFFERENT FEET! THAT IS RIDICULOUS, AND UNFUCKINGACCEPTABLE! I GOT HUNKS OF SHIT ON EVERY OTHER STEP LEADING UP TO MY FRONT DOOR, AND I NOW HAVE SHIT IN MY APARTMENT - ALBEIT ON A MICROSCOPIC FUCKING SCALE - BECAUSE YOU THOUGHT IT WAS OKAY TO LEAVE SHIT FROM AN ANIMAL ON THE GRASS AND/OR FUCKING SIDEWALK! YOU ARE LAZY, AND RUDE, AND YOU FUCKING SUCK! )

Further to the above, I would also kindly ask that you please properly dispose of the plastic bags of dog waste after you have collected it. (SO YOU PICKED UP YOUR DOG'S POOP BECAUSE SOMEONE WAS WATCHING YOU, AND THEN YOU THINK IT'S OK TO LEAVE THE BAG OF SHIT ANYWHERE YOU DAMN PLEASE? ARE YOU FUCKING INSANE? YOU'RE A PIG, AND I HOPE YOU GET 9 SPEEDING TICKETS THIS YEAR! AND I HOPE YOUR NINTH TICKET COMES ON THE DAY YOU LEARN THAT YOUR FLESH EATING DISEASE HAS SPREAD TO YOUR DICK AND/OR LADY PARTS, A-HOLE!)

Also, as a reminder to the lady who leaves dog waste in my narrow walkway to the alley, please, stop doing that. (YOU'RE A MISERABLE, ROTTEN C-U-NEXT-TUESDAY. I'VE POSTED SIGNS ASKING YOU TO NOT DO THAT AND YET YOU STILL LET YOUR DOG SHIT THERE AND LEAVE IT? HOLY FUCK, IT'S A NARROW WALKWAY! YOU ARE AN AWFUL, SHITTY PERSON! UCH!)

I love dogs, and I think it's wonderful that you have a dog. It's even better if you rescued the dog from a shelter, but please, be more considerate of your neighbors, and do your part to make the world a better place. (OH, SO YOU RESCUED A DOG AND YOU THINK YOU'RE A FUCKING SAINT? YOU JUST DID THE BARE MINIMUM OF WHAT A DECENT PERSON DOES. BUT KNOWING YOU, YOU PROBABLY GOT YOUR DOG THROUGH A BREEDER, OR WORSE, AT A PET STORE.  YOU ARE A ROTTEN GODDAMN PIECE OF SHIT. I RARELY USE THE WORD "HATE," BUT I DO HATE YOU, BECAUSE YOU MAKE ME HATE HUMAN BEINGS, AND I TRY REALLY, REALLY HARD TO NOT HATE HUMAN BEINGS. I WANT TO SEE THE GOOD IN ALL PEOPLE, BUT YOUR SHITTY ASSHOLISH, BETTER-THAN-EVERYONE-ELSE-WAYS MAKE IT REALLY, REALLY HARD. SO PLEASE, DO THE WORLD A FAVOR AND FUCK OFF AND DIE ALREADY!)

Sincerely,

Todd (TWICE IN A  FUCKING WEEK! DO YOU REALLY NEED A LAME ASS "OPEN LETTER" TO LEARN HOW TO BE A DECENT PERSON?! YES,  APPARENTLY YOU DO. AND THE WORST PART IS, NONE OF THIS IS GOING TO MAKE THE LEAST FUCKING BIT OF DIFFERENCE, BECAUSE YOU'RE NEVER GOING TO READ THIS, AND EVEN IF YOU DID, YOU STILL WOULDN'T CHANGE YOUR WAYS. BUT AT LEAST WRITING AN OPEN LETTER IN ALL CAPS WITH MANY EXPLETIVES MAKES ME FEEL A LITTLE BETTER. TRY IT SOMETIME, OR BETTER YET, TRY CLEANING UP AFTER YOUR DOG ONCE IN AWHILE YOU STUPID DICK!)